It is likely that there is little you can do

Often, a child bring to a second marriage is not taken into consideration as regards your expenses, such as child support, etc. for the first child. In Nebraska, there has even been an attempt to pass laws to make it illegal for a man to have anymore children until their financial obligations are finished to the first.

This is something you are going to have to talk to your attorney about. You might also go to the library and research your states laws on child support, and this is a child support issue, as it is related to children born to other women.

Now that said, let’s discuss your long distance visitation. Are to seeing the child on alternate weekends, or do to have a long distance visitation schedule, such as only holidays and summers?

Sharing Child Care Costs

I have a problem and I hope somebody can help me. My ex-wife and I live about 200 miles from each other. Under the terms of our divorce she is responsible for 50% of daycare expenses while the kids are with me over summer recess.

In March, my wife and I had a baby girl. Regarding the sharing of costs however, my ex refuses to take this into account when discussing possible, meaning affordable, daycare arrangements. I live in Orlando, FL and when I need cash urgently I opt for online payday loans from this company – but I don’t want to do it too often.

What do you think about this video?

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle the sharing of these costs given the current circumstances? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I hope that he also filed papers on your behalf

OK, if you have an attorney, I hope that he also filed papers on your behalf, otherwise you could run into some accusations of child abduction. Not so much because you took the child, but took the child across state lines without a court order to do so. Now, there is an out here. You could file in IL. under a fear of harm petition.

In essence, a restraining order. Other states can take jurisdiction in such cases, without you needing to be there for six months. We have board members who can advise you better on that. First, make sure that doing the tape recording is legal in IL. It has to be legal there for you to be doing it. It does not matter what the other state laws are.

If it is legal, you don’t have to tell her. If there is no law, you can record. Supreme Court rulings apply then. Don’t use the answering machine to record unless she is leaving a message on it, and than take out the tape. Buy a recorder from Radio Shack that plugs into the phone line. Than, every time the phone is picked up, it records. Always use fresh tape. Don’t over-tape old tapes.

Give me a call at 1-800-SEE-DADS, and I can tell you what I can do to help you further.

Taking custody before any papers

I have just joined the club and wanted to know if anyone else has done what I have done. I just have taken my 4 yr old daughter to Ill. with me to my mother’s. There has been no papers or anything filed. My wife has had another man staying at my house. He has smacked my daughter opened hand in the face several times, sent her to bed without supper repeatedly, and has also touched her genitals.

My wife has nothing! So I took matters into my own hands with the advice of a lawyer. My wife is livid and making very obscene calls to our house.

I have been recording them for future use and have also been in touch with DCFS. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated.

Keeping the kids clean is not an issue

Keeping the kids clean is not an issue that would be specific to Oregon. It would be a child welfare issue. If you think that she is doing something harmful tot he children, you can report to child welfare, but the possibility exist that they could be taken from the home and put into foster care. They may consider giving them to you, but that is not likely.

If you are considering making this an issue to file for custody, then I suggest you wait and record your observations. Unless the children are in immediate danger, than you need to take the time to develop a case. Otherwise you could end up spending a lot of money only to have the judge tell her to give the children a bath twice a week.

Keep a daily journal of your observations. Make note the names of others who can testify to the fact. “DON’T INTERROGATE” the kids about it. If they say something, write it down. If you start questioning them, children will begin making up things that they think a parent wants to hear. And that can backfire on you.

If you want, you can give me a call at 913-385-DADS if you would like some more suggestions.

File for a reduction

First off, if a portion of your child support is for Day Care, and she is no longer using day care, than file for a reduction based on a change of circumstances. Check with child support enforcement. They may be willing to do the modification for you, if you have no arrearage.

Second, it does not matter whether she is married or not, and is living off of his income, you do not want to take that into consideration, because the same thing can be done to you.

As for the laws in Missouri, they also say that if you have the child more than 30 days child support discontinues, unless they took that into account when they initially set the amount. You may be paying an averaged amount per month. You will need to look at the child support work sheet to determine if this was done. If not, than you have grounds for a reduction.

As for the tax deduction, that is another item taken into account when the work sheet is being done. Meaning that it was deducted when doing the calculations.

This is why you have to learn how the system works, and not just rely on what your attorney tells you. The child support guidelines can be obtained from child support enforcement. The laws on child support can be looked up at any library. The librarian can show you how to find something in the state statute books. Make copies and put them in your home files.

I am a board member with the National Congress for Fathers & Children. I’m in the Kansas City Area. We produce a 65,000 words manual that covers everything you will deal with until the child is an adult, including child support, custody, visitation rights, bias judges, and how to interview and hire a good attorney.

We also have board members that can be call upon if you have questions about anything in the manual you do not understand. They are throughout the country.

But, because we are dealing with legal issues and provide a manual that contains sample legal forms, and a section on how to represent yourself, membership is required by law to receive our materials. As such, there is a $75 membership fee, tax deducible. All the board members are volunteers.

If you are interested in becoming a member of NCFC, call me at 1-800-SEE-DADS, or in the Kansas City area (913) 385-DADS.

The main thing you have to learn though. Complaining will get you no where. Gaining knowledge, and using that knowledge, will. For those who ave the knowledge, have the power.

I agree with the guy totally

I agree with the guy totally. We pay out $500 a month for 1 child.

His clothes are to small, shoes are to small. She doesn’t pay out any daycare now. She just pockets the money. The system doesnt care what she spends the money on and its not him. She is married also so she has that income coming in too. We get taxed on it, its free and clear money for her. Does she pay taxes on it.

NO The IRS says we can’t claim our child care on our taxes because we are the non custodial parent, but she can claim day care when she has to pay it. The laws for Missouri, state she has to work so she has child care, well we have the child all summer long and we have to work too, but laws dont see it that way. We still pay her child support on top of that.

How is this right???? The system sucks for non custodial parents. THIS IS WHY THE NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS TRY TO SKIP OUT. THEY GET SCREWED ANYWAY THEY GO. I see it both ways in my household.

We pay out and I receive very little support for my child. We should be able to deduct what we pay her for child support on our taxes and she should have to claim it. The same goes with everyone else. But the system is not in favor for non custodial parents.

He wants to “Wait & See”

I just received a call from a father (Darren W.) In Pennsylvania. He has two children, both teenagers, and has been separated from his family for three weeks when his wife moved them out and informed him that she would be in contact. So far he has not seen his children, though he has spoken to them a few times. He has a phone number, but no address. He has been repeatedly calling to ask to see the kids. The mother has been in contact with a woman’s shelter and has said that she has the paperwork to file a restraining order, but will only do so if he causes her any problems. As yet she has been unwilling to go to counseling, but she has been coming to see him for sex.

As you can see, there is a few problems here. Not the least of which that by having sex with her, she could turn around and claim rape. He remains in a ‘Wait & See’ mode, figuring that as long as he does nothing things will get better. He thinks that even joining a father’s group is acknowledging that it will not get better. I did tell him to:

  1. Stop having sex with her;
  2. Contact the courts and learn whether anything has already been filed;
  3. Get into counseling and ask her to join him;
  4. Stop calling so frequently;
  5. Start keeping a daily journal;
  6. Learn what Pennsylvania laws are on tape recording conversations; and
  7. Write a short note to the kids, and have to put in the Personals section of the local paper.

Beyond that, he is like a lot of fathers who wait and see until they find themselves hip deep in trouble. Though there may not be much he can do now, short of being the first to file, but he can be gaining knowledge in preparation for the possibility that she files. But like I said before, he believes that is acknowledging defeat. I just hope that he does not call us a year from now, already been through the divorce, and than wants to learn what to do. Is it any wonder why most of my calls come from women, calling because they know a man has been raked over the coals, but was unwilling to ask for help himself?

It is no different in the US

I have seen numerous cases over the last decade, where the children were either taken from the mother, or she gave them up, and rather than place them with the father, they would go into foster care. Than, he (and not the mother) would be charged the cost of them being in foster care.

I remember a case in Topeka, KS where the mother was having sex with the 13 YO daughter. The child was placed in foster care, 200 miles west of there. The father lived here in Kansas City. He couldn’t even visit her. The mother bolted and has not been seen since.

Update on Government visitation lawsuit

Well, I received the Judges decision on the request for dismissal. The judge threw out my case against the federal and the State of Florida. Based on I was asking for money, which means they have sovereign immunity. If I had not asked for the money the cases would have stood. But the good news is that the case against the City of Auburn was not dismissed.

That means that the city does not have have qualified immunity and I have a pretty good shot at winning. I will evaluate refilling against the Federal government and the state later. The reasons for them will always be there. So overall it was good news.

The City of Tampa will might now enforce my visitation. Now if I could only get the ex-wife to act like an adult and cooperate!